November 9, 1942
I have so much to say and yet don't know where to begin. Shall I say first, that I'm sorry for that horribly silly letter I sent you? I suppose that everything had just become too much for me. All the uncertainty and the thought that you were leaving without my seeing you just once more.
It isn't just that I want to get married - but just that I want to see you again, to hear you talk to me, to have you hold me close and comfort me, as one does a child who is frightened. I want you to reassure me - tell me you'll be back soon and that everything will be worked out, OK. I know that I shouldn't be telling you all this but I guess that I haven't outgrown being spoiled and babied by everyone.
I guess I just don't have the gift that you do for putting everything down in paper so well. But there comes a point, Gerry Darling, when letters don't help anymore and you want the person in flesh. I know that I'm being selfish with the world upset as it is but there isn't anything I can do about it.
I want to be sitting beside you, having you holding me very tightly and talking quietly of our life together. The way I feel now the heck with the world, with money, with my job and everyone. - I want you Gerry!
It's raining now and the wind blowing has a very lonesome sound. I wonder what you're doing now. I've been waiting all evening for you to call in reply to my wire of this morning. But I supposed you're sitting at some bar getting plastered and saying "the hell with her". I guess I don't blame you - I did sound pretty awful but I if you could only know how I was feeling - I think you'd understand and forgive me.
Our love affair hasn't been very smooth has it? But perhaps it will make it all better if we're together again sometime. I guess though that you don't want to see me anymore, do you? If you do please call me and I'll come at once. If only to be with you for a few days. I've made arrangements for the money and I want to come so much, Gerry Darling, if you still want me.
On the picture you sent me, the only feature I can make out is your mouth. Remember how I used to tell you that I felt as if you were laughing at me? Well, I don't fell like that anymore - it looks so sweet now and I want so much to have you kiss me. I can close my eyes now and almost feel your lips against mine. I wish that I had the power over words that you do so I could make you see how I feel - what I'm trying to convey now. I love you, Gerry, and nothing will ever change that - not even your hating me!
I wonder if I can make you understand what I've been through the past few weeks - days when I didn't hear from you, times when everyone would try to sway me from my thoughts of you.
Somehow I know now that you would never lie to me nor do anything that hurt me. Perhaps I've learned this too late, have I?
Can you forgive me for being the fool that I was and learn to want me again!
If you want me to come to you, call me as soon as you receive this letter. If I don't hear from you by Thursday night I'll know you don't want me anymore. I won't blame you too much for after all, it was my own fault for letting everything get me down. And I won't bother you with any more letters or calls.
Please try and bear in mind though that I love you very much and am sorry I was such a fool.
- S. I would love to have you spank me!
I love you,
P.P.S. I don't have any recent pictures. Will these do until we have a chance to take more?