August 15, 1942
My very dearest Gerry,
I sent you an airmail special today but I'm writing you again because I just received your special in answer to my letter.
In my other latter you will notice I said I wished I were able to express myself on paper the way you do. Well I can't. Which is why you have misunderstood my letter entirely.
I love you so much Mr. Gerald J. Heit that I go around in a complete daze. My work is suffering, my friends are suffering - even I am. I just dream all day and all night. I think constantly of when we can be together again. When you can again take me in your arms and have me completely.
Since I've received your letters I've been so changed that everyone is commenting. My eyes are bright - my mind is miles & miles away - in Utah.
Do you think I would have bothered to answer your letter in the first place when you didn't expect an answer if I weren't so anxious to forgive and forget that horrible interlude when we were apart?
You knew that I was completely in love with you when I trusted you enough to give myself to you. Do you think one forgets that kind of love so quickly?
When I spoke of marring someone else you needn't be so surprised or disgusted. After all, you don't know how I felt when you left with no word, leaving me to think only the worst of you. He was the one person who ever understood me - the only one I could turn to. All others had only that "I told you so" attitude. Everyone took the opportunity to tell everything terrible they could about soldiers, - who were here today and gone tomorrow, - of the stories they would tell of their pasts, of their wealth and positions back home and have none of them ever bothered to prove it.
I had told you I would be engaged and I like a fool told my friends that I wasn't going with anyone but you and naturally they all knew what that meant. Then suddenly you left with no word at all. I swear Gerry - my darling I was the most hurt person alive. But that was nothing compared to the hurt I felt. I was so sure then that it was because I had given myself to you - that you no longer had any use for me because you had now gotten what you wanted. Although it was so hard to believe after your words of love, what else was I to think?
And when I turned to this other fellow, he took me back with no questions - wanted only to comfort me. He held me in his arms while I spent all the time crying for you. Do you see now why I think him a wonderful person and the best friend in the world? And knowing all this, and how it's going to hurt him when I leave, you still doubt me?
Oh, Gerry - Gerry, I love you so much it hurts - and you are my only cure. I don't know if you can read all that I've written, but I was so angry that you should have written the way you did - doubting me.
You once told me that the only thing you wished of me besides my love was truth. Do you think I've forgotten that so quickly!
After hearing from your Lieutenant at Scott Field, of the things you told him about me. After leaving me so suddenly, cutting me dead in the street. If after all that I can still say I love you - you can still doubt me?
I'm leaving everything, my home, parents, friends, job to go to you who a few short months ago was still a stranger - taking you at your word that everything you said is true. That you do love me and want to marry me- that you can support me and give me a home. I'm putting my trust in you completely although I have only your word that everything you say is true (even though it was once broken) can you still doubt my love?
I was so thrilled at your letter in which you said you wanted to marry me as quickly as possible, hat I cried. Cried, Gerry - do you know how much happiness it takes to make a person cry?
And when you told me how you were changing - wanted to be a good soldier and fight for our rights - Gerry, my dearest, I was so proud I almost burst.
While I do believe everything you say Gerry, I can't stop my parents from wanting to correspond with yours first. Is there any reason why you don't want them to? Aren't you as anxious for them to know as I am?
If I had the money I would come and marry you immediately. Perhaps though when you get out of the "house" I will have enough and If you want me Gerry, I'm yours completely.
I'm going to tell my friend tonight that I'm not going to see him again - that I'm going to marry you as soon as possible.
I don't know what plans to make so I'm leaving everything up to you. You can make all arrangements and whatever you decide is perfectly all right with me.
If you are able to get leave when you get married, I would like very much to be married here. But if it isn't possible, I'll do whatever you say.
But please Gerry darling, send me your folk's address so I can satisfy my folks. I love you very much Gerry, and I anxiously await your reply. Please try to write me every day. You'll never know what your letters mean to me. I keep reading them all over and over until I almost know them by heart.
If you write your folks please have them send me a picture or something of yours.