Thursday, May 4
I wasn't going to write again this week, not having had an answer to my last ten or twenty letters. However, something nice just happened, so I rushed to tell you about it, just as I pour out my woes.
I just made some money!!! It's years since I did anything but lose money, or have it snatched away from me by W. Churchill and Co. It's no very large sum, but I doubled my capital in a few days. Don't ask me how I do it - I just go
into a trance, and when I come out, I seem to have bought and sold a few shares - peculiar though it is, it works.
Now there is enough (just) to pay off our more pressing bills, plus the income-tax thing. I don't need any money (not at the moment) so you need not send me any, as you said you were going to. I am so pleased about this, for you seemed
rather broke, (for some reason) and it might have been difficult for you to help out. Last week I was absolutely desperate, and didn't know where to turn for a five pound note. I owed 3 weeks laundry, all the tradesmen for food, and my account was overdrawn. Now it is all solved, though we shall soon be in another mess! Don't you dare send me one penny. If a Mum can't have her boy's shoes mended without his paying it back, well, what IS the world coming to -!!!
Had lunch with T. today and discussed the whiskey question. She'll make inquiries, but doesn't hold out much hope. It is too scarce. But, oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if you could come down regularly every week! You may be sure I'll do my best to work out something. I've another source to try, tomorrow. T. said so many nice things about you, your ears must have frizzled themselves up!
I could not eat my lunch, much too excited over the prospects of seeing you next Wednesday - combined with frantic anxiety because I have not had one letter. I pray you are safe, and in no trouble. You did promise to write Saturday, which makes me feel something must be wrong, or you wouldn't have broken your promise, would you? So I don't know whether you are coming here next week - I don't know what plans to make - I don't know a thing about you. I only know I love you very much darling.
Thursday, May 11
I don't understand. I just DON'T understand.
On Tuesday I received your card, which said you loved me, but it didn't answer my telegram, should I keep Wednesday and Thursday free for you? All you said was "I will see you very shortly as I planned." You planned on these two days, so I went ahead with arrangements for your arrival. I remained in the house 2 days for fear of missing your call from the station. Thinking you would surely come today, (since you didn't yesterday) I made iced-coffee with real cream, and iced- tea with real lemon. I planned for us to eat on the porch in bathing-suits, sitting amidst pillows like a Roman banquet, the banquet to be followed by an orgy, also in the Roman tradition! I made a huge salad full of this and that, lots of lovely fresh sandwiches, and put the whole thing in the ice-box to chill properly - and waited . . . and waited. That's all I do now - just wait.
You can't believe how nice I looked in scarlet shorts and sandals, a white brassiere, so elegantly thin that the sun shone right through my bones. Tuesday I had my hair done in your honor and it is simply perfection today - gleaming black as coal, the curls a very pale lilac, and every hair in place.
PLEASE let me know at once when we are going to meet again, darling. If the 48 hours leave has been postponed once again, would it be possible for me to meet you again, in the same place, same time, and same room, as last time? That would be better than not meeting at all.
Saturday, May 13, Evening
(No, it's Sunday, now 3:00 A.M. - May 14 -)
I forget to thank you for the cigarettes which arrived safely last week, and went over big! More important, did you recover from your altitude sickness? It worries me so much. If you still have the effects of that, can't you use it as a medical excuse to get a few days rest - Try!!!
I didn't write you between Tues. and Thurs. because I was expecting you. I was very busy inviting people to a party, - mad cooking for Gerry, - having my hair done, getting out my best frocks and things to wear in your honor, there really wasn't much time for a letter. The difficulty of collecting enough people in war-time, even for a very small party, is appalling. All have different hours on and off duty, or days of leave, some work at night.
Last night was my "night off" - do you remember those mad nights when you would ring up from some tube station to tell me crazy things, having arrived by goodness knows what means? What fun it was, you were such a happy-go-lucky, crazy boy - but in 6 months you have become a man.
I thought of you so much last night . . . the time dragged even worse than usual. By the way, darling, I think Junior is with us once again. Am frightfully pleased, but I'm too under- nourished and strung-up, to give birth to a kitten, I'm not hopeful. Poor wee Junior will probably leave us the way he did before. Damn it. Why can't I be a placid, well-fed wife, protected and adored by the man she loves, and able to have his children?
Let me know if you want the 100 doz. bottles I wrote of in my last letter, Better come and see about it yourself, as they won't be available long. May be gone, now. Don't know. Was available this week -
Love from BUBI